The happy couple mustn’t give a toff

Obviously the people of Douma are suffering terribly right now, but can you reserve some sympathy for those Hooray chaps struggling to cope with the shame of being left off Prince Harry’s wedding guest list?

It must be tough knowing your parents gave you two hyphens, a trust fund big enough to cover the Brexit divorce bill, and paid for you to be sodomised in the best boarding schools thus securing you a foothold in the nation’s aristocratic piles, yet the closest you’ll get to the happy couple on their big day is standing outside Windsor Castle next to a shower of Union Jack-waving Deliverance extras who reek of BO after a night spent sleeping on the pavement.