Pothole epidemic a right royal mess

A major annual cycling event which was due to take place tomorrow has been called off due to fears over the number of potholes in the roads.

The route of the Boxford Tornado, in Suffolk, which had 550 competitors lined up to start, was deemed “unsafe” for a mass participation event.

The repercussions are deeply worrying. With less than a month to go to the royal wedding wouldn’t it be terrible if people phoned their local authorities to tell them that due to the pothole epidemic, there will be many accidents in the streets they’ve licensed to hold parties, meaning they’ll be sued for negligence, which will be passed on to them in council tax bills. Then demand that they revoke all royal wedding street party licences?

If you can’t find your town hall’s number, the National Association of Local Councils will help.