FEARS OVER MY SHY DAUGHTER

Dear Coleen

My daughter is six and very shy. She’s always found it hard to make friends at school, and it’s been particularly challenging in her class, as there are lots of girls with very strong personalities.

She’s really struggled and I thought she didn’t like it there, so my husband and I have decided to move her to a different (smaller) school after the summer holidays. But when I talked to my daughter about it recently, she was really upset about having to move, so now I don’t know what to do.

Coleen says

I can really relate to your letter as my daughter Ciara was painfully shy as a child. All through primary school, teachers used to say she’d never put her hand up in class and if she were asked a question, she’d whisper the answer in their ear. I remember I had a talk to her when she was about seven and encouraged her just to say “hello” when someone said hello to her, and explained sometimes people might think she’s rude or not interested in being friends as she wouldn’t say anything. But, actually, the more she said hello, the more her confidence grew and very gradually she came out of her shell. It’s amazing how “hello” can open the door.

I wouldn’t panic too much and become over-protective. It doesn’t sound like she’s being bullied at school, and perhaps taking her out of an environment she’s familiar with, even if she’s not the most confident pupil, could set her back. I think it’s about building up her confidence. Try to do that by having kids back to yours for play dates. Even if she’s too shy to go to their houses, it’ll help her form closer bonds with some of her friends, and that will help her at school.