WIFE SLEPT WITH HER EX-LOVER

Dear Coleen

I’m a man of 57 and my wife is 56. We met in our late 30s and have 13-year-old twins. We’ve been very happy together and I thought we had a charmed marriage. However, I recently found out she’s been unfaithful.

The man in question is an old lover of hers from when she was about 20. They met when he visited from America and wrote, called and visited each other for years until they agreed that as neither was willing to relocate, they should call it a day.

He was in the UK for business recently, looked her up and they slept together. She said that he asked her to return to America with him but she refused and wants me to forgive her.

I’m so confused. I absolutely love her and she’s my world, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to trust her again. And will this happen every time he’s in the country? Or will she up and leave for the States once she’s retired and our kids are older?

Coleen says First of all, none of us can predict what will happen in 10 years so it’s pointless worrying about that. You have to live in the moment. I would highly recommend relationship counselling for both of you to see if you can move forward.

Try relate.org.uk or tavistockrelationships.org.

I can feel how hurt and betrayed you feel, but if you decide to move forward and stay with her, then there will have to be some ground rules.

First of all, she doesn’t make contact with her ex again, and if he calls her she must tell him she can’t be in touch with him. She has to be transparent and nothing can be hidden.

Also, you can’t use her infidelity as a stick to beat her with every time you fall out.

Counselling can be a long process and only you can decide at the end of it whether you are able to forgive her and make a go of things.