MY GIRLFRIEND JUST TAKES ME FOR GRANTED

Dear Coleen

I’m a man in my mid-40s and have been divorced for a couple of years. I’ve been dating someone seriously for a few months now – the first proper relationship I’ve had since my marriage broke up.

There was an instant spark with this woman when we met and we get along as friends, too. It all seemed to be going in the right direction and we’ve even met each other’s kids, but recently I feel she’s taking me for granted.

When we go out, I pay for everything and she even expected me to fund our (very expensive) summer holiday, which I thought was a bit much. She works, but never offers to cover the cost of anything. I also seem to be spending all my time running around after her, and I’m beginning to think she’s just using me.

I’m not a mean person, but I just feel disappointed by her attitude.

What do you think?

Coleen says

When you first start dating someone, you’re usually so caught up in the excitement of it that you tend to ignore a lot of stuff that you shouldn’t.

You’re clearly starting to get irritated, so you either need to speak up and agree on some guidelines (who pays for what, who does what and so on) or perhaps you have to think about whether you actually want to continue with the relationship.

I imagine because you’ve been paying for everything up until now, she probably just assumes you’re happy to carry on doing that.

If you’ve already paid for the holiday, why not suggest she pays for dinner and drinks when you’re out there and see how she reacts?

That might give you an indication about what’s important to her.