I WORRY HE’S NOT COMMITTED

Dear Coleen

I’m a 20-year-old woman (21 in July) and I’ve been dating my boyfriend, who’s the same age, for the past four years.

We don’t live together because we don’t have the money and we’re not engaged yet either. Is this a bad thing?

I want to be engaged and my partner knows that. I’m not asking for a big ring or anything, just a sign of commitment. I believe he loves me still and he shows me in different ways, but he’s stopped calling me beautiful and he never compliments me on my appearance. The last time he told me I was beautiful was a couple of years ago.

I’m pretty shy and have always had problems with my self-esteem, but he doesn’t know I feel this way. Should I tell him? I don’t need a shower of compliments all the time, but I would still like him to notice every now and then. Any advice?

Coleen says

Yes, I think you should tell him how you feel. You don’t have to say it in an accusatory way. You got together very young and have been dating for a few years now, so it could be that he just assumes you know that he thinks you’re gorgeous. It sounds as if you just need a bit of reassurance, but he’s not a mind reader. And if you feel like the relationship is in a bit of a rut, then why not think about some ways of shaking it up a bit?

However great your relationship is, it still needs nurturing and you need to carry on making an effort.

As for getting engaged and sharing a flat, I don’t think you need to be in a rush at your age. You can talk about these things and it’s good to do that so you can work out whether you want the same things in the future or not. But I’d hold off on any big decisions until you’re satisfied that the relationship is OK.

If you’re worried he’s not committed enough, then a ring isn’t actually going to make any difference whatsoever.