How could he cheat after we had 10 years together?
Dear Coleen
A few weeks ago, I found out that my boyfriend of 10 years was cheating on me. We had a huge row about it and eventually he admitted that he didn’t love me any more and the affair had been going on for several months.
I was shocked and devastated – I just didn’t see it coming and still can’t believe that he was so cold towards me after so many years together.
Now I’ve found out from mutual friends that he’s gone public with this woman and has introduced her to a few people. So as well as dealing with the heartache of his affair and the end of our relationship, I now have to deal with the fact he’s moved on so fast.
I know our relationship is over for good and there’s no chance of us reconciling, and I’ve accepted it, but I can’t seem to move on myself. I just feel stuck and think about the two of them all the time. I am just so hurt.
How can someone just trash 10 years so easily? I feel like I never really knew him and our relationship meant nothing.
Coleen says
I know it must feel like a kick in the guts to think of him moving on seamlessly with this woman while you’re still crying into your gin. But look, you are moving on – you’ve accepted it’s over and you’ve realised what he’s capable of before you spent another 10 years in the relationship, at which point it would be harder to rebuild your life. Try to reframe the situation – if he can behave like this towards you after 10 years together, then he’s more than capable of doing the same thing to this new woman he’s known all of five minutes. Their relationship might not last.
Of course, heartbreak takes time to get over, but the good days will start to outnumber the bad ones. And while it might seem like he’s moved on effortlessly without so much as a backward glance, once the euphoria of this new relationship dies down, the emotional fallout might kick in for him. Hopefully, by then, you’ll be in a much better place.
Also, use that anger and hurt you’re feeling in a positive way – let it motivate you to get your life back on track instead of letting it consume you and prevent you from moving on.
I have to deal with him moving on so quickly