BOYFRIEND’S SO SELFISH IN BED

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my early 30s and I’d say I have a high sex drive – but I’m not feeling satisfied in bed.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years and we love each other, but when it comes to sex he’s incredibly selfish and only seems bothered about making sure he has a good time.

Before I know it, it’s over and I’m left feeling unfulfilled, angry and resentful, but I’m kind of embarrassed to say anything at the time.

What can I do?

Coleen says

You need to talk about sex, which I admit isn’t the easiest thing to do. But don’t do it right before sex so you both feel pressured, or after sex when you’re feeling let down and angry. Bring it up outside of the bedroom when you’re both feeling relaxed, perhaps if you’re sharing a nice meal together at home. And then tell him what you like in bed and what makes you feel satisfied. But be specific – you can’t just say it’s not working for you. You have to tell him why it’s not working and what will make it better.

Sometimes, especially when you’ve been together a while, you fall into a pattern with sex and it becomes habit. So, as with other parts of your relationship, you need to pay it some attention and nurture it.