DAD’S WILL CAUSING US BOTH GRIEF

Dear Coleen

My dad died a few weeks ago and his will did not outline his wishes for his possessions, only assets such as the house and savings, which have been split equally between my brother and me.

My dad always promised me a painting that’s hung in the dining room. It was special to me as it’s of a place in Spain where we lived when I was a child before my brother was born.

I just expected I would take it, as my dad wanted me to, but my brother says he’d like it.

I’m astounded because a) the place in the painting means nothing to him and b) he knows it’s very special to me and that my dad wanted me to have it.

He’s being so horrible during an already very sad time – do you have any advice?

Coleen says

I wonder how you approached him about the painting – did you ask for it in a calm, kind way? Or did you say, “I’m having that” with no discussion? Your brother is grieving, too, so he’ll be extra sensitive and it’s so easy for things to get blown out of proportion. You’ve both just lost your father. What you don’t want to do now is lose your brother.

Try being the bigger person and say something like, “The painting means so much to me because it’s from a time I had with Dad before you were born and it has sentimental value.

“He didn’t want me to have it because he loves me more, but just because I remember this place. But I don’t want us to fall out so, if it means this much to you, then you have it”.

Make him stop and consider what he’s doing and why he’s doing it.

In the middle of grief, feelings in situations like this become heightened, but you must remind yourself that the stuff doesn’t really matter much, it’s the memories that you carry in your heart.