WHY IS MY DAUGHTER SO RUDE?

Dear Coleen

I have an adorable six-year-old daughter who I love to pieces, but I’m worried I don’t have enough control over her – she doesn’t respect my authority at all.

She’s incredibly rude to other people sometimes, which is embarrassing for me and my partner. I tell her off, of course, when she’s rude, but it’s not making an impression.

The other weekend we were at a garden centre and she was looking at some seeds on a display unit. An elderly woman on the other side turned the display unit and my daughter said very loudly, “How rude! I was looking at those seeds first. Say sorry!” I was mortified, especially as I was with my own mother.

Why is she so rude – she never hears us speaking like that?

Coleen says

Just telling her off is clearly not working and, with kids, actions often speak louder than words. So your next option is depriving her of her favourite things when she’s rude.

If you are out and she behaves like this, leave immediately and when you get home make sure there’s no iPad or TV – and you have to stick to it. She has to realise there are consequences when she behaves badly.

It could be attention-seeking behaviour – she’s trying to get your attention by being shockingly rude, even if it results in a telling-off. Also, try to be calm in these situations, which I accept can be very hard.

When she’s being good or has done something well (however small), then really praise her. She will make the connection between her behaviour and the kind of attention she likes and doesn’t like.

This will make a difference eventually, even though it might not seem like it at first. You just have to persevere and stick to your word, so that she knows you won’t give in.