IN MIDDLE OF SISTER AND MUM’S ROW

Dear Coleen

My mum and my sister are having a huge ongoing argument at the moment and they keep trying to drag me into it.

They’ve always had a difficult relationship, which has got worse over the years. My mum can be difficult, but she’s on her own after our dad died a few years ago and I feel bad for her.

A lot of the stuff she says I just let go over my head, but my sister gets really upset and they always fall out.

I feel like I’m stuck in the middle and they both keep trying to drag me into it and take sides. But I don’t want to get involved.

It’s my 40th birthday party coming up and both my mum and my sister are saying they won’t go if the other one is there.

How can I make them see sense?

Coleen says

I’m not sure that you can make them see sense. They need their heads knocking together!

Just say, “Look, I’m not getting involved so stop telling me your side of the story because I just don’t want to know.

“I love you both and I want you to both be at my 40th birthday party, which obviously means a lot to me.

“So please don’t make me choose between you because that just isn’t fair. If you don’t want to be there because she’s there, then fine, don’t go.”

And leave it at that. If they can’t be mature enough for one really special day then that says a lot about both of them.

It is difficult, though, and you do have my sympathy.

Ultimately you don’t want to force either of them to go and potentially have a big row at your party and ruin your birthday.