FAMILY AT WAR OVER PARENTING

Dear Coleen

My husband and older brother have always had an uneasy relationship. My hubbie just says things as he sees them and I suspect he often rubs my brother up the wrong way.

They have different parenting styles and my husband can be quite strict and shouty with our kids, whereas my brother is much more laid back. My husband thinks they get away with murder, and he does have a point, but overall they’re all good kids.

A few weeks ago we were at a BBQ at my parents’ and my son and my nephew, who are both 10, began fighting over a toy. My husband shouted at both of them and took the toy away.

My brother was furious and told my husband not to shout at his son and they stormed off home, which really upset my mum. Now my husband and brother are refusing to speak to each other. I’m at my wits’ end and don’t know how to fix this.

We do a lot together as a family and this makes everything so awkward. What can I do?

Coleen says It sounds like they’re both doing the alpha male thing when it comes to their kids. But you need to tell them both to grow up. You should say to your husband, “Look, every dad parents differently and in their own way. So we have to respect how he does it, and he should respect how we do it. And next time the kids play up, we’ll deal with our child and let him deal with his.”

It’s really hard when you’re around other people’s children, and deciding whether to tell their kids off. And it’s especially hard if they’re little brats. But just say to your husband and brother, “Look, this situation affects the whole family so can you two just shake on it and agree to disagree?”

They clearly both think they’re right but they do need to be polite to each other for the sake of everybody else.