POLLYOMETER

Going up...

Beauty in the eye of the older An Irish couple who’ve been married for 56 years might have just showed us how. The husband, who is 83, is taking make-up lessons so he can do his wife’s face, because her eyesight’s starting to go. So that’s the beautiful, romantic box ticked, then... but also, he can do it badly on purpose when they have a row, so the revenge box is checked too. 56 years, remember.

Lettuce be ’avin’ you

A 12-year-old boy in Canada called the police this week, because his parents tried to make him eat a salad. Before they had time to get there, he called them back to outline the urgency of the matter and reiterate his disdain for salad. The officers decided not to issue a fine. How those terrible parents got away with that I’ll never know.

Going down...

Chicken rings The very latest food hyroll (hybrid to make you eye roll) is the Donug... a cross between a doughnut and a chicken nugget. Obviously they look disgusting, but hard not to warm to them simply because of how cross they’ll make Jamie Oliver.

You must be yokespin

Legendary French chef Jacques Pépin says you can tell whether an egg is hardboiled simply by spinning it on the kitchen work surface. If it’s wobbly or doesn’t spin, it’s not cooked – if it turns like a top then it’s ready. So you don’t get to be legendary by using anything as dull as an egg-timer then.