He’s a good man but I’m so sick of his bad moods
Dear Coleen
After 49 years together, I can honestly say that my husband is one of the grumpiest, most hot-tempered human beings alive and sometimes he’s pretty unbearable.
But he is also a very good provider, husband, carer, father of two, grandfather of three and loved by us all.
However, when I look around at all those friends who I thought had wonderful peaceful lives without a grumpy other half, all I see are divorced women and men who admit they have made mistakes by jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.
I believe there are some men who have this grumpy streak, but are loyal and loving in their own way, so shouldn’t we just accept that?
I find that if we have a separate holiday, it gives us both a little freedom, and when we return we’ve missed each other. It works... until the next time!
They say the grass is never greener on the other side, it’s just a matter of how well you water yours. Should I even bother tackling his bad moods?
Coleen says
Something is obviously working pretty well if you’ve been together nearly half a century. But after all that time, it’s not easy to change behaviour.
I think retirement can put a lot of stress on a marriage – you’re together a lot more than you ever were and it’s not uncommon for those character traits in your partner that were once a bit annoying to become unbearable.
In the past you had work and bringing up kids to distract you, but now you just have each other – the good, the bad and the ugly bits.
You get on each other’s nerves and take each other for granted.
But if someone is grumpy the majority of the time, then it’s very wearing.
Have you ever asked him what leads to these moods? It might be something you can support him with.
Focus on the good things – two-thirds of your letter is positive, which is rather unusual for people writing to me!