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If it does come home, football should brace for..
With hopes of England reaching a World Cup final at their highest for decades, it seems football could finally be coming home…
But what will it find when it returns to these shores after all those years wandering the globe like a long-lost relative?
For a start, it will probably get stuck in a queue at passport control for an hour thanks to staff shortages, rush to catch a train that has been cancelled, get back to find the council house it once lived in has been sold off on the cheap and discover the working class fans who used to watch it have been priced out of the game.
On the plus side, football would be delighted to discover a Brit finally won Wimbledon, marvel at the internet and drool over the impressive array of craft beers and foreign lagers available.
Here’s some of the changes football would see if it steps off the plane at Heathrow on the morning of Monday, July 16, basking in World Cup glory:
In 1966 Fortnite was two weeks not endless days playing a computer game – and a phone box was not what your smartphone came in.
Writing on somebody’s wall used to get you a clip round the ear from a copper. Today, it’s a recognised way of communicating and folk ask “What’s up, hun?” if you haven’t done it for a while. No one carried phones but everybody knew lots of phone numbers. Twitter was what birds did and wireless meant the radio. In many households the man was the breadwinner. That bread was most likely plain, white and pretty tasteless.
Whoever brings in the dough now, it will probably be artisan and covered with poppy seeds. Hippy was a lifestyle choice rather than a body-shaming term.
In 1966, Camberwick Green started on the BBC, telling tales from a charming country village. If it was still showing, Mrs Dingle the postmistress would have had her post office shut, PC McGarry number 452 would be hamstrung by red tape and Captain Snort would be suffering from PTSD after three tours of Afghanistan. Google meant nothing rather than everything.
Christmas started in December, unlike today where some pubs have notices up in September for festive dinners and decorations have been seen up before bonfire night. Going green meant feeling sick, not saving the planet.
The 60s were officially called swinging, yet they still have nothing on Tinder, Grindr and Love Island. A trump was innocently just a slang word for flatulence. Apple was a fruit.
Tom Jones was hip with Green, Green Grass of Home one of the best-selling singles of 1966. Now he’s more hip op, returning to the stage this week for the first time after surgery.
Amazon was a river in South America and ebay was the first part of a phrase spoken by Yorkshire folk, finished with “gum”.
New show Star Trek told of the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations. So, a bit like Brexit.
Twister, “the game that ties you up in knots”, was launched. So, a bit like Brexit.
Bill Roache was playing Coronation Street’s Ken Barlow and Prince Charles was the Prince of Wales. Oh...