I’M SCARED TO START OVER AT 57

Dear Coleen

I am 57 and my husband is 63. We’ve been married for seven years. We now live together in my house, but just as “room mates”, and he sleeps in another bedroom.

We do bicker a lot and, to be honest, I probably wouldn’t have him as friend if I weren’t in this situation. We don’t love each other, but we’re both scared to cut free – him more so because he’s older and has no home to go to, although he has the money to rent somewhere.

I suppose my question is, can it work for the rest of our lives living like this or should I take the chance and start again on my own?

I’m a youthful 57, but feel it’s a young world and I only want a companion.

My two children are married with kids of their own and don’t know any of this.

Coleen says

You’re only 57 – why spend the rest of your life being miserable? The alternative has to be better than this. I’ve said many times – being in a loveless relationship is an incredibly lonely place to be.

So my answer is yes, you should take the chance and start again.

I don’t think you’re taking much of a risk to be honest and, by the sounds of it, you’d both be relieved. But you have to confront these feelings head on and talk about them, and that way you can manage the separation.

Yes, it’s scary starting again later in life – I’m doing it myself at 53. But once you take those first small steps, it becomes less scary and you start to feel in control of your own life again and what you want out of it.

Don’t cut people out, though. Speak to your children and your friends, and they’ll support you.