HAVE I OUTGROWN MY FRIENDS?

Dear Coleen

I’m a 17-year-old girl and have been friends with the same group since we all started secondary school together.

Most of us have gone to the same local sixth form college, which I thought would be great, but I’m feeling left out.

I’m already worrying about going back in September and I’m seriously thinking of looking round for alternative colleges.

I study different subjects to them, which means they all see each other in class a lot and are very close.

They often organise social things and don’t invite me or “forget” to ask me.

They also seem to have a problem with my boyfriend, who I’ve been seeing for a year. They sneer about him and when I’m with him, they can be pretty rude to his face. I’ve known these girls since I was 11, but I’m seriously questioning why I still want to know them. Any ideas?

Coleen says

You sound pretty mature and they don’t. I think you’ve grown up and away from them, and they’re stuck in that playground mentality of when you were 11. Look, leaving you out of things and making you feel bad about yourself and your relationship is not friendship.

It sounds to me as if you’re doing just fine without them.

It’s normal and natural in life to grow apart from friends and make new ones as life takes us down different routes. You’ll probably go to university after college next year or on to an internship or a job, and you’d naturally see less of your old friends.

Please don’t disrupt your studies by switching colleges just because of this bunch of girls, who are probably a bit jealous that you are so selfassured and also have a nice boyfriend.

That kind of meanness is usually a cover up for people’s own insecurities. Good luck!