And so to the 5 BIG QUESTIONS

1 Theresa May saying she relaxes by going through her 150 cookbooks. Is she hoping to find one that tells her she’s not toast?

2 Is the underground lake on Mars proof of life on the planet as it shows they too have privatised water leeches refusing to fix leaks?

3 Global warming to make UK a major wine producer. Does that mean in coming years, while our economy tanks, we can at least get tanked up on the cheap?

4 Was this week’s Met Office warning to everyone to stay indoors the final insult to the nation’s homeless?

5 Jacob Rees-Mogg saying Brexit’s benefits could take 50 years. Does that mean decades of desperate Moggites dancing around blue passports singing in hope that “sovereignty’s coming home?”