HE JUSTIFIES HIS SECRET FRIENDSHIPS

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my husband for 16 years and married for eight. Three times now I’ve discovered secret email addresses and I also have proof of secret ‘friendships’ with two women.

Now he’s saying he does it because of a traumatic brain injury he suffered, but the first ‘friendship’ happened before that.

I don’t understand why he keeps doing this.

We have two children aged three and seven months. He says he’s still in love with me and won’t do it again, but three times is a lot and how are we supposed to move forward?

What are your thoughts on this?

Coleen says

I think he is using his health as an excuse and, as you say, one of these friendships happened before the brain injury.

I don’t think you can move forward until he is totally honest with you about exactly what he’s been up to and why.

He’s obviously looking for something outside of your relationship, so you have to get to the root of why he’s not happy.

He’s saying what he thinks you want to hear, but don’t be fobbed off any more.

I know it’s tough when you also have to cope with two young children, but that’s even more reason to work through if you can move on from this and how you’re going to do it.

I’d strongly recommend relationship therapy and, if he really does want to prove to you that these female ‘friendships’ are behind him, along with the secret email addresses, then he should agree to it.