THREE YEARS AND HE STILL CAN’T COMMIT

Dear Coleen

My partner of three years will not commit to anything as far as our relationship goes. At first it didn’t bother me so much as we were in the early stages of the relationship and I didn’t have the same expectations that I do now.

However, there are some fundamental things which are important to me that he just won’t agree to, like, for example, meeting my parents. They think it’s bizarre that they haven’t met him yet.

To add to this, we don’t live together, he won’t discuss taking our relationship to the next level and sometimes it’s even a struggle to get him to accompany me to a friend’s wedding.

I love him and we get on great as friends, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand being in this limbo, and being with someone who just won’t invest in us. Any ideas?

Coleen says

There could be something in his family background that has made him unwilling to commit for fear of getting hurt.

Perhaps divorce or rejection by a parent, but if that’s the case, these are issues only he can deal with, perhaps through counselling. Unless he’s going to do something about it, things won’t change.

As far as you’re concerned, you have to decide how long you’re prepared to give him. Three years is a long time to still be treated as some kind of casual date and, however much you love him, you have to think about what you want.

The other explanation may be that he’s not as into you as you are into him. That’s what you have to establish. He needs to be honest so you can move on, either together or separately.