I’VE LEFT IT SO LONG TO COME OUT

Dear Coleen

I’m a gay man of 35 but I’ve never come out to my family or even some friends. I do have a group of gay friends who obviously know.

The thing is, I’ve spent so long pretending to be straight that I just don’t know how to break it to my family. I’m sick of feeling like I can’t share things with them. What do you suggest? My parents are nice people, pretty easygoing, but also quite conservative. I’m not dating anyone special at the moment, but I hope there will come a time when I have a partner to introduce to the people I love.

Coleen says

You want to tell your family and close friends, so I think you should. It will be better for you in so many ways and you won’t have to pretend any more. I think it will also improve your family relationships because there won’t be those barriers.

Plus, they won’t be asking you when you’re going to find a girl and get married!

Will they be shocked? Some of them probably will be. And as for the time it’s taken you to come out, so what? It’s a big thing to do and you have to feel ready. It’s a very personal decision. You seem ready now, but you weren’t 10 years ago and that’s OK.

And I think you just have to explain that to them – you didn’t feel ready to share it in the past, but now you do.

Tell them your fears too. It’s OK to admit you’re worried about acceptance or that people won’t love you any more. But you’re a mature man now and don’t want to live a lie any longer.

Your parents are not going to stop loving you. They might have suspected you’re gay but felt it’s your decision to tell people.

Some people might take time to get their heads around your news, especially if you’ve done a good job of convincing them you’re straight! But your happiness and wellbeing is at the core of all this, so that’s what you have to stay focused on.