POLLYOMETER

Going down...

Sole destroyer Kim Kardashian’s been wearing these plastic shoes from Kanye’s new line a lot recently – and therefore risking, a top podiatrist says, fungal conditions and bacterial infections. That’s either next level wifely devotion, or she was unaware of that. Wild guess time.

Dodgy jammer Successful business model example two: Only the kind of people who want to eat vodka and passion fruit-flavoured marmalade would think that having something called Spreadable Pornstar on the breakfast table is funny.