The dream wedding he could soon forget... dad with dementia at just 31
Dan spoke from the heart. He was calm and didn’t falter once
JORDAN BRADBURY ON MAKING THEIR VOWS
Gazing into her soulmate’s eyes as they exchanged their wedding vows, Jordan Bradbury knew it was a moment she would remember for the rest of her life.
But she has no idea how long her new husband Daniel will recall their happy day.
Dad-of-two Daniel, 31, has early onset dementia. The couple planned their wedding in just three months to ensure he could remember as much as possible, for as long as possible.
They also had a videographer film the ceremony and reception last Saturday, while their family and friends took hundreds of photographs to help Daniel cling to his memories as his mind fades.
Jordan, 30, says: “I was worried Dan would be really emotional and forget what he wanted to say in his vows, but he spoke from the heart. He was so clear and calm, he didn’t falter once.
“He told me to remember how he feels about me and that he will feel that way for ever, even when the disease takes hold and he can’t show me any more. It was wonderful to hear those words.
“It was me who got quite emotional towards the end of my vows. I tried to hold my breath so I wouldn’t cry, but I ended up sobbing the last few words. I couldn’t help myself. Thankfully Dan understood me.
“The next day we sat down and looked through all the photographs. If his memory starts to fade, we will have all those photographs and the video to show him how perfect our day was and how happy we were.”
The couple from Hucknall, Notts, had another reason for bringing forward their wedding. As the disease progresses Daniel tires more easily, his speech slurs and his co-ordination deteriorates.
They wanted to make sure Daniel could enjoy the day, share a magical first dance with Jordan, and speak clearly and confidently with his family and friends.
The plan worked. Daniel and Jordan were the last ones on the dance floor and although his medication means he cannot drink much alcohol, he was able to enjoy a glass of champagne and a pint.
They even had a special guest in the form of Nottingham actress Vicky McClure, best known for her BAFTAwinning role in This Is England and for cop show Line of Duty.
Daniel and the actress became friends while raising awareness for the Alzheimer’s Society. They have also worked together on BBC documentary, My Dementia Choir, as Vicky’s grandmother died from dementia. And they will complete the charity’s annual Memory Walk together next month.
Daniel says: “Everything went so fast, it was like a twilight zone, but it was the perfect day.”
Daniel was diagnosed with early onset dementia in September last year. It is caused by a genetic mutation called PSEN1 inherited from his dad Adrian, who died from the condition when he was just 36 years old.
Fewer than 600 people worldwide have been diagnosed with it.
At the time doctors suspected Adrian had vCJD, the human version of mad cow’s disease. They only discovered he had dementia 25 years after his death when they tested a sample of his blood and brain, which had been preserved at a laboratory in Edinburgh, after Daniel started showing the same symptoms.
First Daniel started suffering from depression, then his memory and coordination deteriorated and he started suffering from headaches. Soon Daniel lost his engineering job because he was “under performing”.
The couple discovered he could have inherited an aggressive form of dementia when Jordan was three months pregnant with twins Jasper and Lola, now two.
Their worst nightmare was confirmed when they received Daniel’s blood test results last autumn.
As the disease is hereditary, there is a 50% chance the twins will develop it too. If the couple had known before Jordan was pregnant they could have used IVF
to ensure they used embryos without the faulty gene to avoid passing it on.
Daniel says: “The news was so bad I put my head in my hands and went into shock. Everyone was in tears.”
His mum Lorraine fights back tears as she recalls the heartbreaking conversation that followed.
“Daniel said to me, ‘If I ever end up like my dad did, please don’t let my children see me in that way’.
“The last time Daniel saw his dad he was in bed and couldn’t speak. That is Daniel’s last memory of his dad. So I told him that no matter what, I will never let that happen.”
Daniel can no longer carry his children to bed, though he still reads them a bedtime story. And he cannot look after them by himself because he cannot remember whether they have eaten or had anything to drink. Losing his job and social life has left him isolated, raising his risk of depression, a common symptom of dementia.
He is on medication to slow the disease, but it only works for one third of patients.
The family have had to move to a new home where Daniel can have a ground floor bedroom and bathroom when he can no longer manage the stairs.
Jordan has just returned to her job at an NHS diabetes clinic to support the family after taking time off to care for Daniel and the twins.
Jordan says: “All the support for dementia is designed for older people whose children are grown up and can help care for them. They don’t have young twins. We’ve had to fight for everything. Whenever we tell people Dan has Alzheimer’s they are confused because he is so young. It’s frustrating but we can’t be angry because a couple of years ago we didn’t know it was possible.”
Determined to make their remaining time together happy, the family have drawn up a bucket list for Daniel.
The talented drummer has performed live in a pub, playing Sweet Child Of Mine by Guns N’ Roses, and they have booked a holiday to Disneyland in Florida in November. Daniel has also set himself a goal of walking the twins to their first day of school. After 12 years together, Jordan proposed to him shortly after he was diagnosed – but he refused.
Daniel says: “I wanted to be the one to ask her, I wanted it to be special. She deserves that.”
Given a free family cruise in Scandinavia by a relative, Daniel took Jordan for a walk on deck one evening as the sun set. Jordan says: “Then Dan’s mum came up to him. I thought she was straightening his jacket, but she was actually telling him to get the ring out. He forgot which pocket he put it in. The next moment Dan proposed and a bottle of champagne appeared. It was perfect.”
With just three months to plan the wedding, they delegated much of the responsibility to friends and family.
Jordan says: “It was quite emotional seeing all the effort everyone has put in come together.
“It’s horrible to think about the day when Dan is no longer here. But he was so well on the day – his personality shone through.
“If there was ever a video to show the kids who Dan was and how much he loved his family, this is it.”
The Alzheimer’s Society is urging Mirror readers to unite against dementia by signing up to a Memory Walk at memorywalk.org.uk.
The video will show the kids how much he loved his family
JORDAN BRADBURY ON MEMORIES MADE THAT DAY