I DIDN’T GET A SAY IN MY SON’S BIG DAY

Dear Coleen

I have one daughter and one son. My daughter is 28 and single, but my son is 30 and recently got married. I’m so hurt because I felt excluded from the entire thing and wasn’t included in any of the decisions or asked for my opinion.

If I tried to give one, they’d smile politely and then do what they wanted to anyway. I’m so hurt and keep playing it all over in my mind and becoming tearful.

I want to confront my son and daughter-in-law but my daughter thinks I should just leave things be and not get into any arguments. What do you think?

Coleen says

This is a really difficult situation, and I get a lot of letters like this.

Mothers of sons often do get left out of wedding planning, but I don’t think it’s anything personal.

Sons just aren’t that great when it comes to wedding planning or involving their families. They’re not bothered by things like chair covers and flower arrangements, and tend to leave that stuff to the bride, who turns to her own mum for advice.

I bet even your son wasn’t included in many of the decisions either! He was probably just told what day to turn up and where to go!

Seriously though, I can see why you’re hurt, but your daughter is right – it’s just not worth getting upset over this. I’m sure no harm was meant by it.

And look at the bigger picture – your son is happily married to somebody who loves him. They may have children soon and if you antagonise your daughter-in-law now, you won’t get things off to a good start. So take a deep breath and just try to get over this.