FRIEND HATES ME DATING HER EX

Dear Coleen

I’m 31 and I’ve been single for four years, since my long-term boyfriend dumped me. I haven’t met anybody I’ve really liked since, but then I ran into this guy who I’ve known since college and he asked me out.

The only issue is, he went out with one of my best friends for four months. This was just over a year ago. Before I agreed to go out with him I asked her if she minded and she said of course not. But now, six months later, she’s started making ‘jokes’ about how I’m terrible for going out with her ex.

She never wants to hear about how things are going, and a couple of mutual friends have told me she’s been bad-mouthing me for going out with him. But I don’t understand, because I asked her permission right at the start.

Coleen says

It’s such a hard situation. You can either carry on with this guy and hope your friend eventually gets used to it, but you may end up losing her as a friend.

This is one of those life decisions, and only you can decide what to do. Who would you rather lose, this new guy or your friend? It’s very hard when you’re falling for somebody and really like them, but if this woman is one of your best friends then it’s worth trying to save the friendship.

Speak to her and explain that while you value her friendship, and don’t want to lose her, you can’t help the way you feel about this man.

But also point out they had a short-term relationship that ended a long time ago. I suspect she was fine with it at first, thinking it would amount to nothing, and now you’re getting closer she’s jealous.

You don’t say whether she’s with anybody or not, but I suspect she’s not which could be partly the problem. Or maybe she liked him more than she let on. Only time will tell.