SELFISH MEN HAVE MADE ME SO WARY

Dear Coleen

I’ve been so unlucky in love that now I’ve met a lovely man, I’m terrified of something going wrong.

I’m 30 and when I was 21 I went out with a lovely man for four years but I ended things because I felt too young to settle down. But since then I’ve dated all these awful guys who just seem to want me for sex.

We go on a few dates and then it all goes wrong and I feel so hurt.

Six months ago I started working at a new company and an old friend from university also worked there. We started going for lunch and becoming friends, and we’ve now kissed and been on a few dates.

He seems so lovely and appears to really like me. He’s met my sister and he’s invited me to his dad’s 60th birthday party. But I worry he’ll turn out like all the others.

How can I let my guard down?

Coleen says

You know what, it is difficult to let your guard down if you’ve been hurt and disappointed in the past.

But although those men hurt you, you got through it. So remember how tough you are.

This new guy sounds too good to pass up, so trust your instincts.

You’ve known him since university, so you have a history together, he wants you to meet his parents so all the signs are good.

My only advice is to not jump into bed until you feel right and ready to. And be honest with him: explain you have your guard up and find it hard to trust people.

If he really likes you, he’ll stick around and help you learn to trust again. And anyway, I’d always rather be the person who trusts and gets hurt, than the person who never trusts and never finds love.