Mum’s upset I don’t want a lavish, fancy wedding
Dear Coleen
My fiancé and I have been together since we were 16 and we’re getting married next year.
We both really want a quiet register office wedding and dinner afterwards with about 12 of our family and very close friends. I don’t want to wear a big white dress or have any bridesmaids, or even have a hen do.
When I told my parents this, my mum burst into tears. She’s very upset that my dad won’t be walking me down the aisle – I’m their only daughter.
She’s also upset that I’m not inviting all her friends and my godmother, who lives in France and who I haven’t seen in years. I don’t want to upset anybody, but I feel like it’s our wedding.
Please can you give me some advice?
Coleen says
Oh, this is so hard. I get that it’s your wedding day, but my heart absolutely bleeds for your mum. If my daughter said she wanted to do this, I’d feel a little bit upset too. In fact, sometimes she says she’s going to go off and just get married – I hope she’s joking.
But if she did, I’d ask if we could go dress shopping together because going shopping for your daughter’s wedding dress is something most mums of daughters look forward to.
When you’ve got daughters, you have certain events in your mind and their wedding day is one. It’s the same with seeing their dad walking them down the aisle. So perhaps you could compromise and let your dad walk you down the aisle of the registry office? It’s such a small gesture but it would be such a huge deal for your dad.
I get it’s your wedding day and you have to do what’s right for you. So explain to your parents you’d rather spend your money on a house, or a honeymoon, or put it towards having kids in the future.
Smaller weddings can be so moving because they’re intimate, so remind your mum of that too. It doesn’t have to be a big white affair to be a ‘real wedding’. But just try to be mindful of your mum’s feelings and include her and your dad as much as you can.