My wife has let herself go and makes no effort
Dear Coleen
I’m a 40-year-old man and I love my wife very much. We’ve been married 10 years and have three gorgeous children. We both work (she’s part-time).
I must admit, what first attracted me to my wife was the way she looked. When we met in our late twenties she was slim, gorgeous, wore lovely makeup, high heels and always had lovely straight blonde hair.
But over the years and with each child, she’s gained weight and stopped wearing as much make-up.
Some days I get home and when I first see her I inwardly sigh as she just hasn’t made any effort to look pretty.
I wish she’d make a little more effort – I’ve kept myself in shape with regular running and bike rides. How can I tackle this with her?
Coleen says
Woah! I think if you do say something, you should have full body armour on.
Seriously, I feel for you in a way as it’s not like you’re chasing after some hot young girl at work. It sounds like you really love your wife, but you just wish she was as glamorous as when you first met. But believe me, there’s no nice way of putting that to a woman. Because the last thing you want to do when you’ve been looking after kids or rushing around, is to put on make-up for when your husband gets home.
Being a working mum is the hardest job in the world and you don’t get a second to yourself. So instead of saying, ‘you’ve let yourself go love’, why don’t you organise a babysitter and take her to a spa? Say, ‘you deserve it, as I’m sure you’re knackered.’
Show her how much you appreciate all she’s doing. And take her out for dinner more. After all, if she’s home all the time she’s probably thinking, ‘what’s the point in wearing make-up and heels? I’m just doing housework and running around after the kids.’
You can’t help how you feel – but build her up rather than knock her down. It sounds like she’s just bogged down with everything and needs to get a bit of her old self back.