SCARED TO TELL PAL I LOVE HER
Dear Coleen
I’m a 29-year-old man and on my first day of university 10 years ago I met this great girl and we became really good friends.
All my mates fancied her, but we were just really good mates and shared a flat together, along with some other people. After we left, we both lived in London and shared a flat again.
I had girlfriends and she had boyfriends, and despite a few friends joking we belonged together, we were just mates. However, as the years have gone on I’ve developed feelings for her.
She’s still my best friend but I do find her attractive and really fancy her, though I try not to let it show. But I’m starting to suspect she feels the same way about me. One of her friends even let it slip when we’d all had a drink recently.
Coleen says It’s a hard one. But I still think you should go for it. If not, you may stay friends for the next 20 years, and then you’ll always regret not making a move.
You clearly fancy her and from what you’ve told me she fancies you too. Her friend has even implied as much. How would you feel if she met somebody and in a couple of years time you got an invite to her wedding? Because that’s what will happen if you don’t speak to her honestly now.
Given you’re so close, I think you should have a chat with her and tell her how you feel. And explain at the same time that you’re really frightened of ruining your friendship, and then see what she says.
If she’s not keen to have a relationship, then at least you know where things stand and I’m sure you’ll be able to go back to being friends afterwards.
And if you do end up going out, why not have a pact that if things go wrong you’ll both go back to just being mates again?
She might be the one for you though, so just take a deep breath and go for it.