MAY STRUTS HER STUFF

So Theresa May can’t dance. She has no rhythm. She wouldn’t dream of shakin’ that ass on Strictly (unlike – regrettably – my good self!). No, sir. She has more important things on her mind. Who needs to dance when you’ve got “Boss of the United Kingdom” on your CV?

Besides, being heavyhoofed on the dance floor didn’t do a certain Ed Balls any harm did it?

Judith Kilshaw, a woman who bought twin babies online for £8,000 nearly 20 years ago, says she wishes the girls had “stayed in Britain with me and Alan” (her husband). Having, at the time, ended up refereeing a very shouty interview with the Kilshaws, which turned into an unseemly argument between the pair, I think the girls are very fortunate they didn’t stay here.

Whenever as children my brothers and I visited aunties and uncles, we’d always look forward to having a shiny 10p coin slipped into our palms as we said goodbye. That was a lot back then. Not as much though, I’m guessing, as Uncle Elton might have pressed into the Beckham brood’s hands as they stepped off his boat following a break in the South of France.