END OF HIS MARRIAGE

Loss of baby shocked me to the core

ANY disappointment I feel after my quarter final defeat in the 2003 World Championship is dwarfed by a phone call from Mandy. She is in tears and her words shock me to the core.

“It’s the baby,” she says. “We’ve lost it. I thought something was wrong, I had a test and it’s dead inside me.”

I go home immediately, numb with pain and sorrow.

Since he was born, Mandy and I have hoped to give Blaine a brother or sister. We had three tries with IVF and the disappointment and heartbreak increased with each ‘not pregnant’ result.

In the early part of 2003, we finally received some good news that Mandy was expecting. I think of the muchwanted second child. Now, instead of looking forward to celebrating a new life, we will be planning a funeral.

We are heartbroken, and I wander round the house in shock. The day comes, and Mandy goes into hospital to give birth. It’s a boy.

We call him Joseph and arrange a funeral in the church close to our house. I carry the small coffin in my arms. He is laid to rest in the churchyard.

Slowly, Mandy and I try to heal ourselves, and the awful experience we’ve been through brings us closer.

We take walks on the nearby beach with our dogs, not really talking, just slowly going through all that has happened and trying to process it.

When I feel ready I head back to the practice table. Snooker is my sanctuary and always has been.