STRUGGLING TO MOVE ON FROM AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

I had an affair with a guy from work 18 months ago which ended when my husband found out about us. It was a really tough time, but my hubbie agreed to move past it and try to make our marriage work. We have one child, who’s just turned eight.

I got a new job, which helped a lot as it meant I wasn’t working with this guy any more, but we’re still struggling to move on. We haven’t really been intimate since it all happened and I don’t feel like sex. I wonder if it’s because I still feel so guilty – it all just feels weird.

Is there any hope for us?

Coleen says

Yes, but I think you need to deal properly with the affair and why it happened, which I don’t think you’ve done. It’s like you’ve decided to just draw a line under it and move on, while there are still unanswered questions and no real plan about how to move forward.

Of course an affair changes things and it’s not as simple as just agreeing to move on. You have to face up to these difficult emotions and talk honestly about how you feel. And if you’re finding it hard to do this on your own, then I’d suggest relationship counselling before you throw in the towel.

It could help you find a way forward or it could help you decide to go your separate ways, but at least you’d walk away knowing you tried. Visit relate.org.uk.