WIFE WANTS ME TO QUIT MY JOB

Dear Coleen

I’ve had the same job for 12 years and I love it. I manage a guitar shop and I’m a musician too.

My wife is always nagging me to find something better that pays more. She’s a solicitor and very ambitious, and I think she also compares me to her friends’ husbands, who all work in finance.

It’s been the source of many arguments, but I’m happy as I am. We have enough money between us to maintain a nice house and a good lifestyle with holidays and nights out, so I don’t see why this is such a big deal. I have always been able to pay my way.

How can I convince her that we’re OK as we are?

Coleen says

Here’s the thing, I know so many people who are unhappy at work, but have spent (in some cases) decades clinging on to a job because it pays brilliantly or has status, and feel trapped.

If you find something you love that still enables you to pay the bills, then I think that’s worth an awful lot. After all, we spend a huge portion of our lives at work.

If your job makes you happy, that will have a positive impact on your relationship. If you couldn’t contribute financially, that would be a different matter.

I’m not sure why your wife is trying to change you, but it’s a fool’s game to compare yourself to others. I’m sure some of her friends’ partners hate their jobs and would rather have yours!

If you’re not struggling, then ask her what’s really at the root of her problem. Could it be that she’s actually unhappy in her job, or maybe she’s thinking ahead to having a family and affording it if she takes a career break? Try to have a frank conversation without it turning into a row.

And perhaps the compromise from your side is that you’ll agree to keep your eye out for another job opportunity, but unless you find something that gives you as much satisfaction as the one you have, then you’re staying where you are.