I’ve just turned 50 but I feel life’s all behind me

Is this normal? Can I look to the future positively?

Dear Coleen

I recently had my 50th birthday and it’s had a big – and negative – impact on me. Without sounding boastful, I’ve always been a very attractive woman and my looks were always a big part of who I was. Suddenly, I’m feeling past it and insignificant.

I didn’t celebrate my birthday, even though my husband and teenage sons were keen to throw a party, and some of my friends don’t even know I’ve reached the big 5-0. My husband thinks I’m being ridiculous, but then he’s still only 46.

To make matters more difficult to deal with, I’ve started going through the menopause, so I’ve gained weight and have mood swings and, quite frankly, feel all over the shop.

My husband is actually very supportive – he’s always telling me how lovely I look and boosting my confidence, but it’s not really working.

Is the way I’m feeling normal and how can I look to the future positively?

At the moment I’m feeling like it’s all behind me and I actually feel quite anxious about the future and my place in the world. I hope that doesn’t sound overdramatic.

Coleen says

First of all, welcome to the midlife crisis! It happens to the best of us and it’s entirely normal. I can relate a little to how you feel. I’m 53 and constantly surrounded by young, beautiful women in my job, not to mention at home with my daughter Ciara and her bevy of gorgeous mates.

It can be a really difficult time in a woman’s life with the impact the menopause has on your body and emotional wellbeing.

When I turned 50, I started to question my position in the world and in my own family because my kids had grown up and needed me a lot less.

However, you can either let it overwhelm you or you can try to change your attitude. You have so much going for you – a great husband, kids who love you and, by the sounds of it, you still look great.

Start celebrating the positives and stop wasting your life worrying. This can actually be a very freeing time – you probably have more money and more independence than you had when your kids were small. There’s still so much you can do and achieve.

As for your looks, I think you just need to regain some confidence and you might find it in other ways – for example, by taking up a sport or a hobby, overhauling your wardrobe, changing your hair.

Think about what will make you feel good. Why not experiment and go a bit nuts?!