IT WAS JUST SEX BUT NOW I WANT MORE

Dear Coleen

A few months ago I met a guy in a bar on a night out with friends and we started seeing each other. We also started sleeping together, but agreed early on that neither of us wanted a serious relationship – he was newly divorced and I’d recently dumped a long-term boyfriend.

At first it was great – good fun, amazing sex and companionship. However, now I’ve started to develop proper feelings for him and I’m almost certain he doesn’t feel the same way about me.

Sometimes we go out for drinks or dinner and he blatantly checks out other women or flirts with them openly. He’s even asked my opinion on other girls! I feel really, really jealous when this happens, but what can I do? We both agreed to a no-strings arrangement.

I’m sure it’s best I step away from the situation, but it feels so natural to be with him.

Coleen says

I think you’re right to step away. And why not just be honest about why you’re doing it?

Tell him you feel differently about the arrangement now because you’re developing feelings for him and you realise that wasn’t the deal. He’ll either agree it’s time to move on, or he may say he has feelings for you, too.

But you can’t carry on with the way things are. Think about how hurt you’ll be if he turns round in six months or a year and tells you he’s in love with someone else.

These kind of arrangements rarely work – one person usually wants more. It might have been perfect while you were both getting over bad relationships, but it’s hard to sustain long term. Don’t let it stop you from meeting someone who wants a proper relationship.