FOREPLAY DOESN’T INTEREST HER

Dear Coleen

During lovemaking my wife doesn’t like any kind of foreplay and won’t experiment with toys. She seems to want to just get down to sex, which she loves.

She will do the basics of what she thinks is required before the main event, but that’s it.

I’ve tried slowing it down and introducing new things, but she’s not interested.

For me, foreplay is really important and fun, and I love to explore her body, but for her it’s all about the penetration.

How do we keep the spark alive when we’re like this?

Coleen says

Usually when I get a letter with this scenario, it’s from the female partner. Have you considered that your wife might be thinking that you’re taking such an interest in foreplay just to please her and she’s trying to say, “I don’t need that.” So what I think you need to get across to her is that it pleases you.

I think you just have to let her know that while she doesn’t seem that into it, it’s an exciting part of sex for you. Like any other part of a successful relationship, sex requires compromise sometimes, too.

Ultimately, the aim of sex is to please each other and it’s not just about your own needs. So talk to her gently about any changes that could be made.

My feeling here is that it’s just a bit of a communication failure and she doesn’t realise how important this is to you.