PARENTS HATE THAT I’M TRANS

Dear Coleen

I’m trapped in the wrong body and my family will not accept any of my decisions. One day I hope to have a body that feels like me, and not one that disgusts me.

I have tried to explain things to both my parents but got nowhere. I don’t know how I’ll get them to accept me for who I really am.

Other members of my extended family have come out as trans and were met with the same disdain.

I wear girls’ clothes and I’m feminine, but with my mum I have to pretend I’m someone else. What’s your advice?

Coleen says

I’m sorry you feel you’re getting nowhere with your parents. Maybe part of the problem is that while you’ve had this feeling

since you were old enough to work out that you’re in the wrong body, your parents haven’t had that long to come to terms with it.

Also, people tend to get defensive or nasty about things they don’t understand – it’s ignorance and fear. So I think the more calm and informative you can be, the better chance you have of getting through to them.

It might also help to get a professional involved – for example, you could take your mum to see a counsellor or your doctor to talk things through.

You don’t say how old you are, but Mermaids is a group that helps young people up to 19 who are experiencing gender identity issues, as well as their families and any professionals involved in their care (mermaidsuk.org.uk, 0844 334 0550).

There’s also the LGBT Foundation (lgbt.foundation) and the Beaumont Society (beaumontsociety.org.uk).

Some people may never be accepting, but that’s their issue to deal with. You have to focus on yourself because, if you do transition, it’s a long process and you’ll need all your energy for that. And there will be people who will support you. Good luck.