POLLYOMETER

Going down... Fermented behaviour

There have been an increasing number of incidents of birds “flying into windows, cars, and acting confused” according to authorities. Turns out they’re drunk, (the birds, not the authorities) but it’s not their fault. The recent weather has caused berries to ferment earlier than usual, apparently. Note to humans: probably not an excuse you can get away with, but you never know...

Cream of mushroom

Always known they were the devil’s vegetable and this proves it. Mushrooms are trying to make people wise enough not to eat them embrace them in a different way – by becoming the very latest wonder ingredient in beauty products. Nice try sneaky fungus – but I’m not actually interested in youngerlooking, brighter skin, so ha ha, I win.