MY SON WAS IN BED WITH HIS MALE PAL

Dear Coleen

I’ve got an 18-year-old son and the other morning I walked into his room to see him in bed with his male friend.

I didn’t actually see them doing anything, but they seemed close.

Afterwards, I asked him if he was gay and he said he wasn’t and that his friend ended up staying the night because he was too drunk to drive home.

I feel confused because since he was 16 he’s had a lot of girlfriends, but then the way he dresses in skintight jeans has made me wonder whether he could be gay or bisexual.

I don’t really know how to approach it with him – do you have any suggestions?

Coleen says

Why do you want to know so badly? If it’s because you want him to know that’s you’re OK with him being gay or bisexual, then that’s fine. But perhaps you’re giving off signs that you wouldn’t be accepting so, if he is gay, that’s why he’s denying it.

I would just let your son get on with it and, if he does want to confide in you about his sexuality, then you’ll know soon enough. You can’t force him to come out to you if he’s not ready. And you certainly can’t make any judgments on how tight his jeans are!

What you can say to him is that you hope he’ll feel comfortable confiding in you about anything at all and then leave it at that.

If he knows he can come to you without being judged, then he’s more likely to do it.