Dear Coleen

HE OVERSTEPS MARK WITH MY GIRLFRIEND

I have a friend I’ve known for years, who’s a great guy and the life and soul of any party, but he doesn’t act appropriately when it comes to the women in our group.

I’m not the alpha male type and I’m not possessive or jealous when it comes to my girlfriend, but this friend is always flirting with her (and others) and staying things that overstep the mark.

My girlfriend thinks it’s a bit weird too, but finds it easier to laugh it off than I do. The general consensus is, “That’s just him”.

I don’t want to cause a big problem or lose him as a friend either – like I say, he’s a good guy – but this is getting to me and I don’t want to be in his company when my girlfriend is there, too.

Any tips?

Coleen says

I bet if you asked your other friends and their partners, they’d tell you they felt the same, but probably aren’t quiet sure how to handle it either.

Look, if he’s a good mate and you want to maintain the friendship, then go out for a drink with him and tell him how you feel.

There’s every chance he’ll be mortified and hasn’t realised how his behaviour is affecting others. Maybe it’s all part of this big personality or perhaps he struggles with insecurity and it’s his way of defending against those feelings.

There’s being a bit flirty and there’s overstepping the mark, which it sounds like he’s doing, so perhaps he just needs a reminder of that and you can do it without anyone getting angry about it.