Dear Coleen

I have a close-knit group of friends. There are six of us and we’re all mums with kids in the same class, and we see each other socially, as well as help each other out with lifts to and from school.

Things were great until recently, when four of them decided to turn on the other. Now they’re excluding her from get-togethers and not returning her calls.

This woman can be difficult – she’s very bossy and overbearing sometimes and she tends to accept a lot of help, but doesn’t give much in return. However, she’s not a bad person and, while she does annoy me, I don’t want to be cruel.

I can tell she’s confused about what’s going on – none of them have explained why they’ve suddenly dropped her. Any advice?

Coleen says

Ah, the school mum thing – it can be a minefield. I think often you end up being friends with other parents from school because your kids are friends, but in any other situation you probably wouldn’t be so close and that’s where the problem could lie.

I detect that you might be worried about staying friends with this woman because you’ll be ousted from the group, too!

Look, you don’t have to be cruel. You’re a grown-up and if you want to see her occasionally for a coffee and talk about school, then do it.

And if this woman asks you for your advice on what’s going on, then tell her in a helpful way that she can come across as a bit bossy. There are ways of sorting these things out without the tactics your other friends are using.