Why are my boyfriend’s family cold towards me?
Dear Coleen
Christmas was an ordeal for me, thanks to my boyfriend’s family. I’ve been with him for nearly a year and our relationship is really good – we’re about to start looking for places to rent together.
However, his family make me feel like an outsider and, from my point of view, it’s the one thing that spoils an otherwise happy relationship.
We stayed with them for two nights over the holidays and I’ve never felt so unwelcome anywhere in my life. I couldn’t wait to go back home and wished I’d spent that time with my own family. They constantly referred to my boyfriend’s ex, whom he dated for four years and they obviously adored. They also fawned over their other son’s girlfriend the entire time, while ignoring me.
I’ve no idea what I’ve done to deserve this coldness. In fact, I’m ideal daughter-in-law material – good job, nice family, I love children and animals.
I just can’t understand why they won’t give me a chance. Can you help?
Coleen says
It might be they got really close to his ex and probably thought they’d be together for ever and so they’re not jumping in with both feet in case they get close to you and then it’s all over.
I’ve experienced this with my kids – I’ve got close to my son’s girlfriends in the past and then it’s over, and it’s over for you, too.
I know it’s been nearly a year, but you probably haven’t seen that much of them in that time, so maybe it’s a question of making the effort to spend more time with them and letting them get to know you better. They might just be the type of people who take a bit longer to get to know someone.
However, the bottom line is, if you love each other and you’re having a good time – that’s what’s most important. You’re not dating his parents and you’re not going to see them every day so don’t get so hung up on this that it becomes a major problem.
Perhaps when you do move in together his parents will see it’s serious and their attitude will change.