MY SON GETS NO SUPPORT FROM HIS WIFE

Dear Coleen

I worry about my grown-up son who’s 38. He works so hard while his partner (who’s 34) changes jobs on a whim and never seems to settle.

They have a gorgeous son who’s four and a half, but although his mum only works part-time, my son ends up doing most of the childcare, as well as the cooking and everything else.

He adores them both, which I respect, but it frustrates the hell out of me that she won’t help him more.

Every time I see him he’s exhausted and looks 10 years older since his son came along. Have you any ideas on how I can approach this without upsetting everyone?

Coleen says

I think unless your son has said he’s struggling to cope, then I’m not sure there’s a lot you can do.

It’s their routine and their life and, as hard as it is as a mum to stand by and not say anything, if it’s working for them at this point in their lives then I think you need to bite your tongue.

Of course you can ask if he’s coping OK with the demands of work and family, but if you suggest his wife does more, then you’ll probably be seen as the interfering mother and mother-in-law.

It’s hard to adapt your role when your kids get older – my eldest recently turned 30 and my instinct is still to protect him from everything and everyone. But he’s the first to say, “Mum, I’m 30!”

One thing you could do is offer to help with your grandson, so he can have some time out.

If he knows you’re there for him in an emotional and practical sense, then he will come to you if he needs help.