Best to just laugh in the faces of these right-wing plankton
A FEW years ago the police knocked on my door after a security firm had alerted them to threats I’d received.
A group of white supremacists had taken offence at something I’d written, put my address online and told their small band of pointy-hatted followers to pay me a visit if they could spare half-an-hour away from planning the global master race takeover.
When the police asked if I wanted a panic alarm installed I laughed and declined, mainly because I guessed that rather than come round and shoot me, the sad inadequates preferred to waste their lives eating Pot Noodles in their mum’s spare bedroom.
Which brings us neatly to those noble protesters outside Parliament. First, some praise: well done fellas for sourcing extra extra large yellow jackets, for blocking ambulances on Westminster Bridge and choosing such tough targets – Sky’s Kay Burley, who you called “a slag” and Faisal Islam “a rapist” while both were broadcasting.
Oh, and managing to trap 62-yearold Anna Soubry in a gammonsandwich, spitting phlegm-speckled abuse into her face and chanting “Nazi” as she tried to go to work. You hard men truly are the patriots I’d like to share a trench with.
They resemble the thickest elements of travelling England football fans. I’m surprised there’s no footage of them chanting “if it wasn’t for the English you’d be Krauts” at red tourist buses while urinating on Gandhi’s statue.
By the way, they’re not just protesting against Remainers. The xenophobic narrative unleashed by Brexit liberated a thousand cranky right-wing groups who now have a series of demands they believe the “liberal elite” has a duty to grant.
Take the Poundshop Tommy Robinson figure, James Goddard, who was the loudest bellower of abuse. He’s on record as saying we should be able to kick every Muslim out of this Christian country. Yes, it’s definitely Soubry who thinks like the Nazis.
Following the deferential treatment Robinson (aka Stephen Yaxley-Lennon) was given by the BBC, narcissistic opportunists like Goddard have been led to believe they are merely a snarling video on their iPhone away from fame, wealth and adulation among their fellow plankton.
Like Yaxley-Lennon, Goddard streams his political stunts on social media alongside appeals for PayPal donations which would finance his continued abusing of MPs like Anna Soubry. Call it a pay-per-spew service.
While many people have called for this motley crew to be dealt with by police, certain right-wing commentators have defended their right to intimidate and abuse on the grounds that stopping it would take away our hardearned liberties. Sure, that’s what Dunkirk was all about.
But you know what, I’m on their side. The last thing we should do is arrest the likes of Goddard as he is aching to stand outside a court and declare himself a modern-day martyr like his hero Yaxley-Lennon. I’ve learned from helping to see off extreme right-wing groups in my home city that the best method is to laugh loudly in their faces, reminding them how banal they are.
So, rather than asking coppers to get heavy with them, why not place dozens of models of The Laughing Policemen around Westminster and set them off whenever these two-bob revolutionaries start to bleat.
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You hard men truly are the patriots I’d like to share a trench with