He dumped me and gave my Xmas gifts to new girl

Dear Coleen

My ex-partner and I were in a relationship for nearly four years. We were on and off like a light switch. Over the past year we’d split and reconciled after a third party was involved.

But then I thought we’d turned a corner. He said he wanted me to move in with him and that he and his family were really looking forward to us starting again. So I began looking for work nearer him and found something.

Moving in got postponed due to family matters, then we put things on hold a month as he was stressed with work and I was away with my new job.

We agreed to reassess the situation after Christmas when hopefully things would have settled down for us.

He promised he would get presents for my mum and me, but never got round to posting them. I spent a fortune on him and his family.

Then on Boxing Day he told me he’d found another woman and had given my gifts to her. He said he wanted to stay friends. I agreed, mostly because I was too numb to say anything else. He then blocked me on social media, not caring that I moved mountains to be with him at his request.

Why can’t he comprehend what he did was wrong, especially at Christmas? I feel so isolated and depressed especially after trying so hard to make things work. How can I get him to see sense?

Coleen says

You can’t, really. Even if he sees sense and admits what he did was out of line, it doesn’t mean he’ll come back to you. And even if he did, why would you want him if he’s that kind of person.

Try to stop focusing on why he can’t he see what he did was wrong – it’s pointless.

He doesn’t want to see it, probably because he feels guilty and doesn’t know what to do with those feelings. And is it really going to make you feel any better if he apologises and admits he treated you badly?

As hard as it is for you now, the best way forward is to learn from it and accept he wasn’t the right one and that you deserve better.

A word of warning – if he finishes with this girl and says he wants to be with you, be really careful. It sounds like there’s a history of him boomeranging in and out of the relationship – you broke up before due to a “third party”.

He seems unreliable and unpredictable and it’s very hard to live your life with someone not knowing what they’re going to do from one day to the next. Focus on your life now and what you want for the future.

He asked to stay friends – then he blocked me out