I’m a single mum who’s struggling to find love

Dear Coleen

I am 36 and I have an eight-year-old daughter. Her father and I got together in our early 20s but we had a terrible relationship because he liked a drink and cheated on me several times. When she was two, I eventually left him for good.

I live near my mum and dad, they helped me out loads in the early years, and I was much happier on my own.

However, as time has gone on and my daughter has got older, I’ve started to think that it would be nice to have somebody in my life. I’ve been on a few dates, mostly with friends of friends who I’ve been set up with.

I met somebody lovely last year who I got on really well with. We went out for several drinks and days out. He had a young son the same age as my daughter and we were on the verge of introducing our kids. But then he got cold feet and just stopped returning my calls, which was heartbreaking.

I’m starting to feel lonely but I just don’t know how to meet anybody. I’m a mobile hairdresser, so I don’t even get to meet any guys at work. All my friends seem to be in relationships and I just don’t know where I’m going wrong. What do you think?

Coleen says

I don’t think you’re going wrong at all, and I think you’re being too hard on yourself. As soon as you start looking for a relationship, you won’t find one and it becomes this massive issue. So just relax a little and stop worrying about whether or not you’ll find anybody.

I’m going through a similar thing myself. I’m 54, having just gone through my second divorce, and I look around and think, “I don’t fancy anybody! Will I ever meet anybody again?” But you know what, everything these days seems to happen on social media. Nobody seems to talk to each other in bars any more.

So why not try one of the great dating apps or websites out there? You don’t have to go on Tinder, which I suspect is full of lots of people just looking for sex.

But there are lots of ones that are for older people looking for a relationship.

I have a few 40- and 50-something friends and colleagues who have found lovely people by using these apps.

You might go out on a date with 20 different guys and think, “No thanks, not for me”. But that 21st date might just be a really lovely guy who you could be happy with.

And in the meantime, just relax and be happy. Go out with your friends, socialise, go to the gym and spend time with your lovely daughter.

And don’t worry – you sound like a lovely person, and in time you’ll find somebody who is equally lovely too.

Good luck.

I’m lonely but I don’t know how to meet anyone