IAN HYLAND on last night’s telly

It’s called Bigger Than Us – as in, everyone else’s points will be

Eurovision: You Decide, BBC2 ★★★★

As many Eurovision experts have pointed out, we don’t take the contest that seriously over here. In fact, we actively treat it as a laugh.

In which case, we must congratulate ourselves on our choice of entry for this year’s shindig in Tel Aviv. It’s called Bigger Than Us. As in, everyone else’s points total on the night will be. Top banter marks to everyone who voted, but I don’t think we’ve gone far enough.

In the year of Brexit, we really ought to be paying tribute to the Seaborne Freight ferry contract debacle by sending someone to represent us who doesn’t have a song.

Even that wouldn’t be quite as daft as BBC2

continuing to ask the British public to pick our entry, despite us clearly getting it spectacularly wrong for years. Surely it would be better instead to ask a panel of Eurovision viewers who are actually permitted to vote for us. Bigger Than Us will be performed by Michael Rice who, rather optimistically, introduced himself on last Friday’s show with,

“People might recognise me from winning All Together Now last year”. Optimism seemed to be the

theme of the evening. First up Mel Giedroyc (inset) reckoned the new selection process would ensure we had the right artist and song to win the contest this year.

Judge Mollie King then said she was hoping for something “memorable” that would “bring us all together”. Graham Norton topped them all though.

Asked about the UK’s hopes of victory he claimed “One year it will happen.”

Yeah right, Graham. There’s more chance of me not having a drink until song nine, mate.