I wish BBC’d let us boys entertain you one last time
Ain’t Half Hot Melvyn calls for Windsor tribute
Chatting with actor Melvyn Hayes is a journey through seven decades of showbiz memories. Every inch of wall space in his study is covered with pictures cataloguing the 84-year-old star’s incredible career.
There are photos of him as a schoolboy magician’s assistant, in Hammer Horror’s Curse of Frankenstein and driving that double-decker on Summer Holiday with Cliff in 1963.
There are theatre bills, a sketch of Melvyn by Dad’s Army’s Clive Dunn and a photo from his time as Dot Cotton’s love interest in EastEnders.
And, of course, there’s a photo from TV classic It Ain’t Half Hot Mum with his pal Windsor Davies.
Battery Sgt Maj Williams, moustache twitching and puffed up with rage, is about to yell “SHUT UP!” in the lug ’ole of Gunner “Gloria” Beaumont.
“Dear Windsor,” sighs Melvyn sadly, recalling the Welsh star who died last month aged 88. “We were a real team. Such a wonderful, generous man.
“And the outpouring of affection shows what nostalgia there is for IAHHM. I thought surely the BBC could re-run it, even just one episode, as a tribute. They could bleep out the ‘bunch of poofs’ lines if they had to.
“But no. It’s deemed politically incorrect – even though it’s about a concert party in India when sergeant majors all spoke like that.
It’s so ridiculous.”
IAHHM ran from Melvyn and Davies With Mirror’s Rachael 1974 to 1981 and regularly attracted 17 million viewers. Melvyn played nervy, effeminate “Gloria”, the troupe’s leading lady, with tiny Don Estelle as “Lofty” Sugden, George Layton as Bombardier “Solly” Solomons and John Clegg as the pianist, “La-De-Dah” Gunner Graham. Dino Shafeek and Babar Bhatti played Indian “natives” who would mercilessly mock the British twits in Urdu, with subtitles letting the audience in on the joke.
Anglo-Indian Michael Bates was bearer Rangi Ram, darkening his complexion with what would today be a totally unacceptable tan.
Melvyn goes on: “None of the Indian people I’ve met found the show offensive, though. They loved the fact we used Urdu. I wish they’d show it again. And not just because of the repeat fees – nice as they might be!”
Thankfully, Melvyn doesn’t need to rely on repeat cheques. He’s worked in showbiz since he was 15, invested in property and even owned three pubs.
Chatting at the Isle of Wight home he shares with actress wife Jayne, 56, it’s impossible to believe he’s 84. He’s