DO I TELL MUM SECRET ABOUT DAD?

Dear Coleen

My parents separated several years ago. Around the time, we were supposed to relocate for my dad’s job. He called it off at the last minute and it emerged that he’d been having an affair for a couple of years.

My parents divorced and when the paperwork came through, my dad married the other woman very quickly. I accepted this as I was always a daddy’s girl and he could do no wrong in my eyes. I didn’t know about the affair at this point.

I’ve recently found out, by accident, that my dad’s affair was going on a lot longer than my mum knew. I don’t keep secrets from her and now I’ve been left with this dilemma about whether to tell her or not.

She was devastated when he left, but she’s over him now and I think if I were to break this news to her, it would be a kick in the teeth and like getting cheated on all over again.

What’s the best thing to do?

Coleen says

I honestly don’t think you need to tell her. It happened several years ago, your dad has remarried and your mum seems to be over him and coping well.

Over time, she might find out anyway, but I don’t think you should feel guilty for keeping this to yourself.

And if your mum ever asks you if you knew the affair had been going on for longer, you could just say, “Well, I’d heard a rumour it was, but I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t mention it”.

I don’t think your mum would ever hold it against you because she’d know you were simply trying to protect her.

As someone who’s been in your mum’s position during my first marriage, once the relationship was over and I’d moved on, I honestly didn’t care by that point about any of the stuff that went on that I didn’t know about.