I HAVE TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS

Dear Coleen

I’m 32 and have Asperger’s Syndrome, although I’m not open about it to many people. I have a problem when it comes to making and keeping friends.

Many of the friends I make are around my parents’ age because I can easily talk about the things they’re into – news, cars, food, 70s/80s music, politics and so on.

I’m not sporty, so that’s out as a way of meeting people, and I don’t do dating sites or social media. I have friends at work who are older than me, but they have family and young kids, so seeing them outside of work is difficult.

I’m fairly confident, it’s just I can’t seem to keep connections going. I’m single too, and finding a partner is also difficult. Once I was accused of being asexual for avoiding discussing sex, but I just didn’t want to come across all macho. I know for certain I am not asexual. I want to have sex, but in a relationship. Please help.

Coleen says

First of all, you sound like a great guy and you’re only 32 and you’ve plenty of time to find a committed relationship. So relax.

You might not end up with a partner your own age. You might find someone a few years or even a decade older, and that’s OK. When it comes to meeting friends or potential girlfriends, finding new interests and hobbies could be a good place to start. I know it sounds a cliche, but what about a book or movie club? Or a cookery course?

Maybe you’ll find a passion for something and a group of new friends who share that passion.

The bottom line is, if online dating and social media aren’t for you, then you’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way and put yourself out there. So start Googling to see what’s in your area. You could also get involved with volunteering and charity work in your local community.

As for people giving you a hard time about being asexual, I’m pretty sure most of them aren’t swinging from chandeliers five times a week.